So for years I had no idea what my “aesthetic” was. I liked a lot of different things and couldn’t figure out what tied them together. But once I figured out my actual aesthetic—not what I thought I should like, but what I genuinely loved—everything from shopping to decorating to getting dressed became so much easier. Here’s the process that finally worked for me.
Start with a massive inspiration dump
I created a private Pinterest board and spent a few weeks saving everything that made me stop and think “yes.” I didn’t analyze or filter—I just saved. Rooms, outfits, color palettes, textures, whatever caught my eye. I ended up with maybe a hundred images. This raw collection is more honest than trying to define your style in your head.
Look for patterns you didn’t expect
After collecting a bunch of images, I looked at them all together and started noticing things. For me, it was that almost everything had neutral colors, natural materials, and clean lines. I thought I liked bold patterns, but they barely showed up in what I actually saved. Our conscious preferences aren’t always accurate—the patterns reveal the truth.
Identify what you’re avoiding
This is just as revealing as what you’re drawn to. I never saved anything with heavy ornamentation, bright primary colors, or traditional floral patterns. That told me something. Make a list of what consistently doesn’t appeal to you. Sometimes defining what you’re not helps clarify what you are.
Look at what you actually wear and use
Go through your closet and your home. What do you reach for repeatedly? What pieces do you love? I realized I wore the same five neutral outfits constantly and avoided everything else. My favorite room was the one with minimal decor and natural wood. What you actually use is more telling than what you think you like.
Think about environments where you feel most comfortable
I feel best in airy, uncluttered spaces with lots of natural light and organic materials. Coffee shops with exposed brick and plants, minimalist boutiques, Scandinavian-inspired spaces. Where do you feel most “you”? What do those spaces have in common?
Consider your lifestyle and values
Your aesthetic should support how you actually live. I work from home and value simplicity, so a minimal, functional aesthetic makes sense. If you love entertaining, maybe your aesthetic is more layered and cozy. If you’re always on the go, maybe it’s streamlined and practical. Your aesthetic should work with your life, not against it.
Try naming it with multiple descriptors
Don’t get hung up on finding one perfect label. My aesthetic is something like “warm minimalism meets organic modern with a touch of Japanese simplicity.” That’s more accurate than just saying “minimalist.” Use as many words as you need to capture the nuances.
Test it with the “desert island” question
If you could only keep ten items in your home or wardrobe, what would they be? For me, it was my linen duvet, my leather chair, my simple ceramics, my white t-shirts, my perfect jeans. Those items are the purest expression of my aesthetic—no trends, no “should likes,” just what I genuinely love.
Notice what you’re drawn to across different categories
My aesthetic shows up in everything—the restaurants I like, the packaging design I’m drawn to, the way I set a table, even my phone wallpaper. When you find your real aesthetic, it’s consistent across contexts. If your fashion sense and your home decor feel totally disconnected, one of them probably isn’t authentic to you.
Give yourself permission to evolve
Your aesthetic might change as you do, and that’s fine. I used to love more color and pattern, but I’ve moved toward more restraint as I’ve gotten older. Don’t force yourself to stick with something that no longer feels right. Check in with yourself every year or so.
Remove the “shoulds.”
I used to think I should like farmhouse style because everyone else did. I thought I should wear more color because neutral felt boring. But boring to who? Once I let go of what I thought I should like and embraced what I actually loved, my aesthetic became clear. It’s quiet, neutral, and simple—and that’s perfect for me.
Create a one-page visual reference
Once, I took my favorite ten images and put them on one page. This is my aesthetic guide. When I’m shopping or decorating, I pull it up and ask “does this fit?” It keeps me from impulse buys that don’t align with my actual style. Having that visual anchor makes decision-making so much easier.
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